just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
