Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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