I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
