I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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