dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
