Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
