Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
