After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
