Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
