Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
don't judge my taste in strippers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
