i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
