i think my tv is drunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
