Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
