but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
