The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize