Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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