talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
