I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
