New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
