I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize