apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We were destined to go to rehab together
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
