John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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