My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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