I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
