We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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