Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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