the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
