i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
