When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
