I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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