I love having hate sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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