Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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