I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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