dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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