So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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