So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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