Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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