the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
