my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize