If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
