the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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