Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
