well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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