Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
