drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
