I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
