You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
