I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
