He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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