Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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