So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
