woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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