shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
