Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
