I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
