There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
