not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
