i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
