Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
