The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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