Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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