that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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