I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
