so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
