He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
